Autism and Working in Office
I really prefer working from home for a variety of reasons. I find it much easier to concentrate when it is quieter and other people are not around. I also find it easier when I’m not distracted by noise and lights and generally by conditions that someone else chose to suit someone else’s preferences (some assumption about “normal” neurotypical preferences). Lighting is also an issue. But some weird and unexpected problems have cropped up working from the office that I don’t know how to explain to my boss.
1. Perfumes.
I don’t hate all perfumes, but I don’t wear perfume myself and I really, genuinely prefer body odor smells over that of most perfumes. By this, I don’t mean that people don’t have to shower, but I truly don’t understand why putting extra perfume on after a shower (or, for that matter, instead of a shower) does anything other than make someone smell very, very strongly of perfume, to the point that my eyes sometimes water or that I get a migraine. Yet I can’t really think of a reasonable complaint to make in an office context that doesn’t make me sound like I am the problem.
2. Eye Contact
I’m a well-trained autist. I know how to mask. I was taught as a young child that eye contact is required in social interaction. This is precisely one of the reasons that I would prefer to work from home, where I can turn off my screen on Zoom if I feel overwhelmed by eye contact. But at work, it is almost impossible to refuse to make eye contact if someone passes by or says a greeting to me. And again, it feels ridiculous to complain about it. It’s not one instance of eye contact, though. It is dozens, every day. It often feels overwhelming, and saying that it is hard for me makes it seem like I’m being petty. Who doesn’t want other people to say hello? Me.
3. Small Talk
In addition to the eye contact thing, working in office requires small talk. I also learned how to do small talk as a teenager. I know how to talk about the weather or about sports (though not usually the sports that other people are interested in). I know how to make meaningless chatter about the cafeteria food or caffeinated drinks or the traffic conditions or upcoming holiday events. I know how to, but the more time I spend on these topics, the more frustrated I become. Small talk does not relax me. It is the opposite because I’m constantly trying to measure if I’ve given too much personal information, if I’ve laughed too loud or said too much, if I’ve taken my share of the conversation or am monopolizing. And the more time I spend with others, the more anxious I become about making mistakes. Because I am always making mistakes. I know I am. Even if people tell me, I’m not, I know they are politely lying because that’s what neurotypical people do.
4. Smiling
Smiling is just not something I consider to be a natural reflex to seeing other people. I have to make an effort to put a smile on my face. I’ve been told more than once that I need to do something about my “resting bitch face.” But forcing my muscles to contract purely so that other people’s expectations are met on a constant basis is truly too much to ask. So I’m just not going to be able to do that. Really not. I don’t really smile or laugh even if I’m happy. In my opinion, both are purely social reflexes and are not natural expressions of emotion at all.
2. Shoes
I can figure out what kind of office appropriate attire I can stand to wear all day (knit, please), but the shoes requirement? No. I don’t wear shoes when I work at home because why would anyone make their feet stay in a constant shoe jail? But I feel like the expectation is that I must keep my shoes on all day, or that if I don’t, I have to hide this reality. Like everything else in my life, I have to mask my feet because I’m not allowed to be shoeless in neurotypical world.
The office is always neurotypical world and of course, neurotypicals have no idea what a burden it is to the rest of us to have to live in their world. They think it’s normal and easy, or at least they insist it is, because if I ask not to have to do those things, they will at first say something about of course I should be comfortable and they’re happy to make accommodations, but when it comes down to it, there are certain things that are required to have a job in an office, certain social conventions that must be followed. Why? For reasons.
Of course, I know I’m the problem, so I will always be working on making up the difference. But sometimes I just wish if I could please not?
“We’re happy to accommodate you, as long as you accept the accommodations we wish to offer and don’t ask for anything else.” 🤦🏻♀️
I was a classroom adult English language instructor for a bit more than a decade and the actual teaching gave me more satisfaction than any job I had before or after. But in order to keep my position, I was required to also attend department meetings, serve on committees, and keep up with the department email listserv. These requirements, along with having no desk and computer of my own at which I could prepare for classes when I was on campus, and being low on the seniority with little choice about which classes I'd be teaching (including not being given first chance at teaching classes for which I'd written the curriculum), finally became too much of a drag and ruined the job I'd always dreamed of doing. If I could have limited my time on campus to time in the classroom and been allowed to skip the meetings and do everything else from home, I might have stayed until I retired.