Late Diagnosed Women With Autism
One of the most frustrating things for me as a late-diagnosed woman with autism (and many other late-diagnosed women I've talked to) is that we show many classic signs of autism, but because the condition was originally only seen in young boys, we are often dismissed because we also show signs of autism that are now well-known as being common to women with autism. These are not as well-known to those outside of the community, but are key symptoms. They include:
Masking (pretending to be neurotypical but imitating other people's patterns)
Burnout after masking for a long time
Special interests that often seem “normal” but are extreme, like interest in fashion or makeup and hair or with celebrities or TV shows that have a wide audience
Eating disorders
Hyperlexia
Tendency to talk on and on
So-called masculine attitude (bluntness and other characteristics like interest in math or science)
A history of abuse, often by narcissists
Gullibility
Hated of being touched physically
Over-empathy
Comorbidity with ADHD or dyslexia, ED, IBS, and many others.
Women who are late diagnosed with autism are often outsiders, people who may have a small circle of close friends or who mostly have relationships only with family. They may struggle to leave the house and may work from home in a variety of male-dominated industries.
But women who are late diagnosed with autism may also be women who have had typical feminine careers, who are carers or teachers, who are counselors or therapists, and who are artistic, fashion designers, actors, writers (like me), or visual artists. The idea that women autists are always interested in STEM is wildly inaccurate. The idea that you can't have autism if you are sensitive and artistic is also silly. We are minion, we autists.
I've been surprised at how many women get diagnosed so late precisely because they have too many other commodities that get diagnosed first. It makes sense that you'd tackle whatever it is that appears most problematic, but the problem is that when we were kids in the 80s and 90s, autism wasn't even on the radar for girls, so no one even considered. It's also very sad to see how many autistic women end up being abused, not just as children, but over and over again in their lives. As a result, so many of our symptoms are seen as abuse-related and the obvious reality of why we continue to be abused is not seen until so much later.
Autistic women are often abused because we are socially isolated. We don't have that “friendship network” of female friends who warn us away from problematic men. We are gullible and we lack the ability to anticipate other people's bad motivations because we are honestly so pure in motivation ourselves. We don't want to hurt others and promote ourselves. We often can't even perceive the social hierarchy that other people are trying to gain from, and we certainly aren't trying to push other people down and make ourselves look good. The extent to which we do not care about “looking good” cannot be overstated.
But the problem is that with the focus on autistic boys, we autistic girls got overlooked and ignored and ended up fending for ourselves, which turned out to not be good. Instead of being pulled aside and given lessons on how to protect ourselves or how to tell if someone is a predator or not, we were told that it was our own fault for being stupid or vain or not listening to other women who never spoke to us. We can also be the frequent victims of scams and are therefore often seen as “bad with money,” even if we are actually very careful with money,. Our over-empathy can manifest in us giving money to the wrong people, because we are genuinely trying to help.