Ways I am Less Autistic
I’ve written before about the ways in which I think I’ve become more autistic as I’ve aged, but I think there are some ways in which I’ve become less autistic. I don’t mean learning to mask more, though there is some of that, but genuinely finding that certain things bother me less and that I’ve been able to learn certain social skills that I never thought I’d be able to master.
1. I’m much less sensitive to scents than I used to be. Deodorant and shampoo smells are not nearly as bothersome as they used to be, though especially feminine perfumes still rankle.
2. I’m able to deal with lights/noise of regular office work, which is good since I have to do office work to stay alive.
3. I’m able to manage phone calls with relative ease, something I never thought would happen. But habit breeds familiarity?
4. I’ve learned to notice body signals so I’m not so surprised by sudden emotions, sudden onset of illness or other pain. It feels more gradual because I don’t tune it all out anymore.
5. I’ve learned to make more coordinated movements and do athletic events. This doesn’t mean I don’t have clumsy moments because I still do.
6. Small talk is not as difficult as it once was, and is even preferable in certain situations to “real talk.”
7. I can enjoy certain foods and textures that I used to really hate (nuts, for instance).
8. Habit and routine are not as important to me as they once were, and I even enjoy vacations and sleeping on hotel mattresses, which are often nicer than my own.
9. I tend to be slower, though still not as slow as other people, in my speech and my understanding. I figure this is just one of the normalizing effects of age.
10. Since leaving Mormonism and giving up a defense of such a strange religion, I suspect that I fit in better in many places. I can, for instance, go to a bar and order a drink or go to a coffee shop and order a coffee or tea, things which I couldn’t do while Mormon because of the literalistic way I interpreted the health code.
Most of the time, the people that I meet do not notice my autistic traits at first. If they get to know me better, they see the autistic traits, but tend to dismiss them as not really autistic or at least not as debilitating. Those who are closest to me are not at all fooled by my general appearance of normality and know very well that I’m autistic and that this is both part of all the things they like about me, and also part of many of my daily struggles.
Great post! As an autistic person in their fifties, I identify strongly with much of what you say here. I feel that the process you describe has accelerated for me since my diagnosis 4 years ago. I am much more aware of how my minority neurotype shapes so many aspects of my life and how society is geared towards the majority. This helps me to cope with stuff that used to really upset me. Also, as I understand that the non-autistic majority is not uniform. We are a neurodiverse society, each one of us struggling to get along as best we can with what has been handed to us.