One of the earliest lessons of my childhood was that I wasn’t a desirable or good friend. I didn’t understand why that was, but I knew that I didn’t do things other friends did and I didn’t like things that most other people did. I was always picking the wrong clothes or the wrong books and movies to like. I was obsessed with Robin Hood in fourth grade, for instance, and then with King Arthur in fifth grade. I mostly lived without friends until I was in junior high, which was when I began to be able to see how I might compensate.
I’ve also realised that a part of my mask is also people pleasing and essentially prostrating myself trying to help people and doing things that I am good at in order to be accepted. It’s exhausting!
I’ve also realised that a part of my mask is also people pleasing and essentially prostrating myself trying to help people and doing things that I am good at in order to be accepted. It’s exhausting!