Efficient But No Personality

I work in customer service on the phones. I would have put this job at the very last of any list of jobs I would think I would be good at. The only saving grace is that this particular job is in the financial world, which requires me to pass a lot of tests to be certified, and I’m very good at tests. I’m also, as it turns out, not terrible at following scripts in conversations because, well, as an autistic person, that is the only way I’ve really been able to deal with “small talk” and conversations with people I don’t know and am not sure if they would actually like to hear me yammer on about my special interests (robots and other autistic types in science fiction, women in fantasy, Dr. Who, Star Trek (not the new shows), Sherlock Holmes, romance novel tropes, quilting and crocheting, triathlon racing, and the Dada movement).

I’m learning to fake a “happy phone” voice better than when I started. I do not, however, enjoy talking to people on the phone. I’m not interested in having a long conversation with a total stranger about personal topics. I tend to use very precise words and while I can explain in simpler language if asked, I will keep my words to a limit because, as I said previously, I don’t like talking to strangers on the phone. I pride myself on my ability to communicate complex topics very quickly and to explain these topics in economic language. I will repeat myself and try to use other language if necessary, but I do have limits.

A little over a year ago, a customer sent in a survey report that called me “efficient but no personality” and gave me a middling score. I admit, I tend to do well in scores that rate my speed and not so well in scores about making people feel good about themselves. It’s not that I hate people. I do not. But I simply do not like talking to them on the phone. I like offering information and helping with problems. I don’t want to hear about your pets or things not related to the topic at hand. I will cut you off and ask you to keep on topic. I don’t think of this as rude. I think of it as helpful and, well, efficient.

I’m amused at myself as I write this because when I call in for customer service, I want an efficient call that uses as few words as possible. Yes, I prefer chat for customer service if possible (though complex problems don’t get solved on chat because people on chat are usually not there for their expertise). I don’t want the customer service person to ask how my day is going. I don’t want them to reassure me that they can help me solve my problem before they even know what my problem is. I suppose I think everyone is exactly like me, even though as an autistic person, I’m also aware in another part of my brain that this is obviously not true.

So a customer calling me “efficient with no personality” gave me quite a laugh. I told my boss that I wanted to get a T-shirt with that written on it. It felt like a badge of honor to me (though I knew the customer didn’t mean it as a compliment). I strive every day in my job to be efficient with no personality. I clearly met my goal and should be given a gold start.

I was not given a gold star.

My boss gave me coaching on how to show more personality on the phons.

I’m not good at this. I’m not sure that I’m ever going to be good at this.